Arsenal 0 : 2 Rusty Plough

In soccer, there are two opposite but equally important forces. The defenders that stop the goals, and the strikers that score them. These are their stories.

The morning was delayed. The 9am kickoff time felt leisurely, perhaps it was the time change? Many Rusties arrived early, despite the foggy morn. By 8:40, most of the team had arrived, eager to implement player/manager Welch’s plan. The Rusties had selected the away kits, black with the yellow Trumer Pils logo across the chest, as always, they looked dazzling.

But, before we turn to the events of November 2, perhaps we should look back to the prior few weeks. Two games prior, the Rusties faced Alameda Azzuri. One could wax poetic about the match, but that would be a disservice to our dedicated readers. Rather, we will note the following: James suggested that, rather than just attack without purpose, we could pull the ball back and play a game that is better suited to our high-quality passing style. This resulted in a beautiful goal in which the ball was pulled back to James, who calmly moved it along to Adam, who, seeing that he was open, buried a shot in the back of the net.

Later on, Dave Huddleston, out of temporary retirement, received a long ball. Despite copious amounts of knee supports and a defender draped all over his back, Dave progressed through on goal and blasted a ball past the keeper.

We shall skip the 7 goals that that Azzuri scored except to note that they were offsides and/or fouled the defenders. Enough said.

The following week, the Rusties took on a surprisingly fragile Oakland OG side. Manager Welch ordered a 4-4-2 and it was to good effect as Andy finally scored one of his many open opportunities. There is video of the goal (and maybe also video of the sitter he missed just a bit earlier, so we won’t get into details here). But the goal put Rusty up 1-0.

With 10 minutes to go in the half, Manager Welch channeled his inner Moriconi and switched from a simple 4-4-2 to a 4-1-2-?. No one quite knew what the formation was and OG scored two goals in rapid succession. The Plough was down 2-1 at half.

But the Rusties played hard in the second half and, despite unbelievable misses by Stef and Dale¹, the Rusties were eventually awarded a PK for an awkward hand ball in the box. Andy claimed the ball and dispatched the penalty low and to the keeper’s right. The 2-2 draw sadly felt like a loss.

But, back to today.

The manager, assessing the mental acuity of his players, decided to return to the classic 4-4-2. It is easy to comprehend and hard to screw up, making it the perfect lineup for this rusty squad.

The Rusties, in all honesty, looked great from the opening whistle. There was crisp passing, quiet confidence on the ball, and a general sense of comfort. After one particularly nice bit of play, Andy found himself on the ball and drove a cross into the box. Tyler received the pass with aplomb, took a short touch, and opened the scoring with a low shot that easily beat the keeper.

Not long after, the defenders (these are their stories) made some great plays and controlled the ball. The ball was passed out to Jamie on the left. He passed it to James (who was his typically solid self) who moved the ball along to Adam (these are not midfielder stories, but I guess we need to include them as bit characters). Adam returned the ball to Jamie who passed it on to Tyler. Tyler drove hard down the left side, juked his defender and slotted the ball across the box. Andy was there waiting and, despite having dragged his first opportunity embarrassingly wide, hit this ball with vim and vigor to put the Plough up 2-0.

For the rest of the half, the Rusties controlled the game and likely would have scored more had the ref not called every play offsides. The half time whistle saw the plough feeling confident and energized and ready to build on their lead.

The second half opened and the Rusties looked a bit lost. They had not had a half-time lead this season and seemed to not to know what to do. 50/50 balls were lost, runs were not made, it was all a bit disheveled. But, despite this, the Rusties remained sufficiently focused. Josh was a menace, using his strength and speed to challenge the Arsenal defenders. Dale tortured the left back with his speed a skill. Jeff owned the right side and stopped Arsenal attacks cold, while also moving the ball to his mids and strikers. Jak was everywhere, as always, and spent a fair amount of time hacking at his opponents’ ankles. Gaston came on and said “I don’t do defense, so help me out” – he played great!

Jamie made his return from injury and avoided any silly step overs. Steve W made his first appearance after his return from injury and, despite some rust from lack of playing, executed at least two full circle turns in the middle of the pitch. Stef played center back and reminded Roberto and Chris what it was like to be able to run (to be fair, Roberto and Chris played solid games). Peter, as always, dazzled with his footwork, played in some great balls and even took a shot or two.

The final 15 minutes should have seen at least one, if not two, more goals from the Plough. Sadly, it was not to be. In an overall comprehensive effort, the Rusties moved from bottom of the table to mid-table-mediocrity.

Post game, several members of the Rusty Plough matriculated to Gilman to watch Plough Under take on Juventus. Down, 2-1 after the Rusties arrived, the Unders scored 5, including two by Logan (one a header from an incredible cross by Jak) and 1 on a body disregarding slide by Chris Farmer. Manager Fisher was shocked, SHOCKED, by the display. After the Rusties departed to get their drink on, Juventus pinged one back, but Ploughed Under won 6-2.

With the rare double, post-game was a joyous occasion at the sponsor’s tap room. Some may still be there.

As this episode of Rust and Disorder moved to a close, there were several acts that may spawn their own sequels. Patty may greenlight “Scary Uncle” after terrifying Chris Farmer’s daughter (he was just trying to be friendly). Someone may have been touting Jeff’s credentials for our current government when it was noted that “no one reads the game like Faucette.” But ultimately the best post-round moment was when Steve returned from the bathroom and challenged the nice older couple about eliminating his friends, committing first degree murder, and taking over his table (Steve, we just moved to this table over here).

Overall, a great few weeks with three more games to go before the league is reset to top and bottom half of the table (top half is where we EXECPT to be).

Golden Boot:

• Peter 3 (shoot more)
• Andy 3 (1 PK)
• Dale 2 (let’s not talk about it)
• Nik 2 (oldest man on the pitch)
• Adam 2
• Michael 1
• Dave 1
• Tyler 1

NB: This reporter, in an effort to gain the trust if his subjects, may have spent three hours at Trumer Pils. Although this article is based on actual events, any similarity between this story and actual people is purely fictional.