On January 13, 1951, Michael Henry Costello made his entrance into this world in Piedmont, CA. A mere 22 years later, on April 18, 1963, in the town of Sally Noggin, Ireland, Patrick John Fisher, Jr. twisted his first nipple and exclaimed “One More” before being sedated by the attending nurse.
If memory serves, both of those days were a bit blustery, with a hint of rain, not unlike the morning of December 4, 2022. The Rusty Plough, looking resplendent in their yellow kits with Trumer Pils proudly displayed across their breasts started their warm up. Mr. Costello, having arrived on time, began his intensive stretching and preparation routine. Mr. Fisher, sizing up the situation, decided to ignore his aching back, and laced up his boots, ready to assist as needed.
Manager Moriconi announced that the Plough would play a 4-4-2 formation against La Selecta, the team sitting 5 points above the last place Rusties.
The Rusties started the game brightly and kept play down in La Selecta’s half. Within just a few minutes, a pass found Nik open at the top of the box. He sized up his options, took his time, and hit a lazy floater that had absolutely no chance.
But the Plough kept pushing. Lewis had some opportunities, but just couldn’t get the final connection. Jose had a chance to score, but could only hit it straight into the keeper. Jeff had a great header, but it went just wide. Were the Rusties doomed to repeat the poor performances that enveloped them all season?
La Selecta provided a few threats in the first half, but Gerardo helped neutralize their micro-sized asshole number 10. Roberto and Hudson contained as needed through the middle and Jamie and Akio not only held down the sides, but covered inside runs as necessary. La Selecta really had only one opportunity in the first half, but David Forsyth was able to stick out a leg and save the shot and prevent La Selecta from getting on the board.
The Rusties pressure and good play finally paid off. Peter Welch, playing up top, made a run down the left side. Jeremy Giovannetti, a newly old guest player, saw his run and hit him with a pass. Peter drove towards goal and realized that he had outrun his support and there was no one to pass to. Jeremy did not follow up the pass because he was too busy marveling at its perfection (and he’s also now too old to make those type of runs). Peter thought about dancing, he thought about passing, but then he saw the goalie looking confused, so then he thought about scoring. He chipped the keeper and put the Plough up 1-0.
Shortly after, Jeff took a great touch with his head that gave him a good look at goal. He took a lash, but his shot went just wide. The pressure on La Selecta was building.
Peter than found himself with the ball running down the left side. Jeff saw the opportunity and began streaking down the right side with his arms a-pumpin and his knees high. Peter could not help but see Jeff’s run, and slotted a point perfect pass all the way across the field. One could almost hear Patty Fisher, then on the bench, say “don’t fook it up.” He didn’t. A lovely one-time side footed shot easily beat the keeper and put the Plough up 2-0.
Back to the first half, the Plough were not done. Peter confused everyone by switching to the right side of thefield. He found himself with the ball streaking down the field. He drew all of the defenders towards him. Little did the defense know that manager Moriconi had recently installed Mike Costello at right wing. Costello recognized the situation and got on his horse (of course he got on his horse, did they even have cars when he was born?).
He bolted down the left side of the field unmarked. Peter saw this run and, just like his earlier pass to Jeff, slotted the ball across the pitch. Costello did not even break stride. He summoned up all 26,259 days of life experience and calmly and coolly slotted it into the net. Not only were the Plough up 3-0, at 71 years and 325 days, Mike Costello undoubtedly became the oldest player to ever score a goal in the East Bay Senior Soccer League.
The Plough took the lead into the half.
The second half gave La Selecta the wind at their backs and, as usual for a second half, the Rusties looked confused and disorganized. A few long balls beat the defenders. Forsyth had to make several saves, and La Selecta clearly had the advantage. In addition, the referee decided that a 3-0 game was dull, and so he a.) inserted himself into the game by making stupid and unexplained calls and b.) gave La Selecta every chance to tie the match. After 20 minutes or so, the Rusties earned a goal kick, but the ref awarded a corner. On the resulting play, La Selecta got the ball in the box, but Forsyth covered it up. Jamie ran towards his position on the left side of the pitch and, in so doing, ran past a La Selecta player. That was all the ref needed. He awarded a penalty kick to La Selecta.
Then, things got weird. La Selecta’s players’ lost their minds. There was yelling and shoving and confusion. The ref managed none of it. Eventually a penalty shot was taken.
La Selecta scored the penalty and were now down 3-1. Jamie was off the field. Number 10 of La Selecta ran at the Rusty Plough bench and issued threats. It was quite confusing.
The La Selecta keeper intercepted a pass. With the wind at his back, he hammered a ball that went through the Rusty mid-field and Rusty defenders. It found a La Selecta player who was streaking down the right side. The defenders tried in vain to recover, but the little short guy was too good and too fast. La Selecta scored.
The ref continued to make things confusing. Jeff got a yellow, Nik got a yellow, it was pandemonium. Hudson saw a chance to step forward and did so, he passed the ball to Jeremy and continued his run. Jeremy laid off a back heel thinking that Hudson would run central. Hudson ran, wide.
La Selecta intercepted the pass. Hudson screamed for cover. Jeremy looked tired. La Selecta streamed down the field.
La Selecta’s counter attack was lethal. They scored their third goal.
It was unclear as to why the ref stopped the game or how many minutes he had added, but he got bored, and called it a day. The Plough limped away with their first win of the season. Beers were consumed.
Mike Costello joined the exclusive “over-70 goal scorer club” (he may be the only member)
Patty Fisher scored and got lucky all in the same day. It was his first time in many years….
Golden Boot
- Welsh - 6
- Faucette - 2
- Hudson - 2
- Waranoff - 2
- Wekwerth - 2
- Costello - 1
- Delgadillo - 1
- Fisher - 1
- Viveros - 1
- Yeo - 1